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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!

 

 

For one week my cousin Danielson and I are the same age. wait till next week dude! Ill be older than you bwahaha!!

love you Danielson! you are the best cuzo ever!

JOY OF MY SALVATION

Isaiah 12

And in that day you shall say, "O
Lord, I will praise You: though 
You were angry with me,Your anger is 
turned away, You comfort me.
 

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will 

trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord  

JEHOVAH is my strength and my song;

He also is become my salvation.” 

Therefore with joy shall you draw 

water from the wells of salvation. 

And in that day shall you say, "Praise

the Lord, call upon His name, declare
His doings among the people, make

mention that His name is exalted.

  

“Sing to the Lord; for He has done 

excellent things: this is known in all 

the earth.

Cry out and shout, you inhabitant of 

Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel

in the midst of you.”

HE IS HERE

We may have a bad day or week or year but it doesn't matter as long as you are serving Jesus with your whole heart. I know how easy it is to get side tracked and loose focus but our problems are nothing next to God. He gives us the strength to do everything. Who are we to complain about the small things when He laid down His life for us.

Today I felt like I couldn't take anymore. I wanted to give up and disappear but I got the revelation that it isn't about me. When I gave my life to Christ, He never promised that we would never struggle or go through hard times. Jesus is our crutch in those hard times but we choose to lean on ourselves instead. 

I may be weak Your spirit strong in me. My flesh may fail, My God you never will

We were created to worship and give praise to God. Are you giving Him all the praise He deserves? I know I haven't. So here I am praising and worshiping Him.  

Holy is the Man of Sorrows
Destroying the works of the evil one, all with Your own blood
And mercies before and behind You, such beauty all around You  
And how could I ever repay You, but with the fragrance of my Hallelujah

 May God give you the revelation of those words.

It's my joy to love, it's my joy to obey
You can have all my heart, You can have all my praise
I will give You my life, I will run hard this race
Reaching for the prize, I am Yours and You are mine

 One thing I realized today was the extent of what God has called us to do. It is not all about ourselves. We cant always do what we want and not do what we dont want to do. We have to be faithful and do what God wants us to do. There will always be a situation or person that our flesh wants nothing to do with but we have to put our flesh aside and do what the spirit requires.

Jesus, let us be sensitive to the Spirit and have hear to hear.

Emotions Suck

My life has flipped completely upside down in the past month. Since my last post things have gone in all different directions. I haven't read more of the book but I did see my pastor a few more times. Jesus has definitely been doing a work in me. One area that I have really been dealing with is some of the things that happen after I got raped. I had to go through months of personal and family counseling. It was hell. All the things that happen between dealing with the cops and my family definitely left some nice scars. My brother is also moving in with one of the guys who raped me so yea he sucks. That is another part that is hard to deal with because every person I thought would protect me never did. Now I feel as though I'm standing on my own but I know Jesus is on my side and will never leave me.

A Step Forward

I wanted to give a quick update for those who actually follow my blog [GOLFER!! my only fan...you rock!].

As much as I would love to be the crazy me that will skip around your ars and make up a stupid song... its not me right now.

I made a huge step today. I confessed the deep agonizing things that have been on my shoulders for years. I don't like to open up to people and put out my business but who better to spill to then your pastor.
I haven't made much progress in the book but I plan on continuing along with church help. I WILL be transformed and made new. I will NOT allow the devil to win. I wish I could put into words how I feel but it doesn't matter. Jesus is on my side. No relationship ending in a broken heart (wish I had a warning on how bad that would be sheesh) or school falling through or everything else that is a completely wreck; matters as long as I have Jesus.

On the good side... a couple months ago I found out/ realized I had lumps( haha) in my boobs. Of course I freaked out but after tons of prayer from my brothers and sisters... I went to the doctor and found out it is all good. PRAISE REPORT WOOP WOOP! Major waterworks today. That's pretty huge for me.

In random news... I was planning on going to my first book signing tomorrow but eff that. Some things have to be sacrificed in order to keep sanity.

Anyways I'm dying of sleepiness at the moment but I want to be clear... everything I have written on this blog will stay as is. I wont remove post for any reason. I wear my heart on my sleeve (plus my eyes always betray me) and anyone who knows me knows I have nothing to hide. If you have a question just ask.

TRUTH

What I'm about to talk about I want everyone who reads this to know it is not for sympathy or anything along those lines. This is part of my testimony. If it wasn't for each and everything single thing I have gone through I would probably be dead in hell. I am a child of God and I praise Jesus for everything he has done in me. He is my healer!

A month before I turned 16 and a week after I turn 16, I was raped (two different people). I'm not going to go through the crazy details of what happen but I will mention that it didn't stop there. I was stalked and taunted for months afterwards. People would point me out and call me as the girl that got raped and guys would "assault" me at every opportunity.I became depressed, ashamed, suicidal, scared, the list goes on and on. (Before you get all crazy on me; yes the police got involved but nothing happened.).

The point to all this is to show you how good God is. It has been six years but 4 years ago I gave my life to Christ. He has healed me of so much it could blow your mind. He has been healing me more and more every single day. I am no longer depressed or suicidal. I have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus when I felt like I was the dirtiest thing ever! He has transformed me completely. I know I still have a long way to go but I put my trust and faith in Jesus and I know He will finish the work He has started.

I haven't shared with too many people about my past but this is my testimony and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I know I'm not the only person who has been raped so please understand that you are not alone. God is there and He can heal all your wounds. I know how hard it is. I am faced with what happened constantly (I see one of them every few weeks sometimes more) but I know God is my protector.

Crossway
I just started reading a book called "Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault". I started this book with mixed emotion but it has been lining up everything with the Word of God. It has showed me areas that still need healing and has started the healing process in those areas. Therefore I decided I'm going to keep an update as I go through this book.

"God has compassion for the victims of injustice, and at the root of his compassion is the fact that he witnesses the suffering of the abused. His real (and constant) presence amid violence allows us to understand God’s hatred for sin." 16 % Kindle: Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault by Lindsey A. Holcomb, Justin S. Holcomb

The revelation I got from this is: in the act, I felt alone as if God turned His back on me and was acting as if that wasn't happening. God was there though; He felt the pain I went through in the point and every second after. Now imagine this: your a parent and you are standing in the same room watching your child get raped or molested. That is a horrible pain right?! Imagine God who loves us more than we know how to love, who knew we would be His before we knew; watching this sin being committed against you and feeling every bit of your pain. There aren't words to describe how He must have felt.

Jesus was always there. He never left my side. I can't even explain to you the peace I feel knowing that.
Put your trust in Jesus. There is nothing too big or too small that He can't handle. 

Jesus Took My Disgrace

1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted at some point in there life. The world tells us we need counseling or anti-depressants to cope with the after effects but healing only comes through Jesus. Anything other than Jesus is temporary. The devil tells us that suicide will ease the pain or hiding from everything and everyone so that nobody sees the sin that was committed against you. The devil is full of crap! Jesus took everything on the cross! He died not only for our sins but for the sins committed to us. His blood makes us white as snow. We need to surrender to Him and trust that He is our protector and healer. 

There is so much I want to say just don't know how to say it.

(Jeremiah 17:14)  Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.

I am still going through the healing process but Jesus is my healer and I know He takes every once of shame and disgrace for/from me. 

"What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Oh, precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus"