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Friday, April 27, 2012


What I'm about to talk about I want everyone who reads this to know it is not for sympathy or anything along those lines. This is part of my testimony. If it wasn't for each and everything single thing I have gone through I would probably be dead in hell. I am a child of God and I praise Jesus for everything he has done in me. He is my healer!

A month before I turned 16 and a week after I turn 16, I was raped (two different people). I'm not going to go through the crazy details of what happen but I will mention that it didn't stop there. I was stalked and taunted for months afterwards. People would point me out and call me as the girl that got raped and guys would "assault" me at every opportunity.I became depressed, ashamed, suicidal, scared, the list goes on and on. (Before you get all crazy on me; yes the police got involved but nothing happened.).

The point to all this is to show you how good God is. It has been six years but 4 years ago I gave my life to Christ. He has healed me of so much it could blow your mind. He has been healing me more and more every single day. I am no longer depressed or suicidal. I have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus when I felt like I was the dirtiest thing ever! He has transformed me completely. I know I still have a long way to go but I put my trust and faith in Jesus and I know He will finish the work He has started.

I haven't shared with too many people about my past but this is my testimony and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I know I'm not the only person who has been raped so please understand that you are not alone. God is there and He can heal all your wounds. I know how hard it is. I am faced with what happened constantly (I see one of them every few weeks sometimes more) but I know God is my protector.

I just started reading a book called "Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault". I started this book with mixed emotion but it has been lining up everything with the Word of God. It has showed me areas that still need healing and has started the healing process in those areas. Therefore I decided I'm going to keep an update as I go through this book.

"God has compassion for the victims of injustice, and at the root of his compassion is the fact that he witnesses the suffering of the abused. His real (and constant) presence amid violence allows us to understand God’s hatred for sin." 16 % Kindle: Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault by Lindsey A. Holcomb, Justin S. Holcomb
The revelation I got from this is: in the act, I felt alone as if God turned His back on me and was acting as if that wasn't happening. God was there though; He felt the pain I went through in the point and every second after. Now imagine this: your a parent and you are standing in the same room watching your child get raped or molested. That is a horrible pain right?! Imagine God who loves us more than we know how to love, who knew we would be His before we knew; watching this sin being committed against you and feeling every bit of your pain. There aren't words to describe how He must have felt.

Jesus was always there. He never left my side. I can't even explain to you the peace I feel knowing that.
Put your trust in Jesus. There is nothing too big or too small that He can't handle. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Jesus Took My Disgrace

1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted at some point in there life. The world tells us we need counseling or anti-depressants to cope with the after effects but healing only comes through Jesus. Anything other than Jesus is temporary. The devil tells us that suicide will ease the pain or hiding from everything and everyone so that nobody sees the sin that was committed against you. The devil is full of crap! Jesus took everything on the cross! He died not only for our sins but for the sins committed to us. His blood makes us white as snow. We need to surrender to Him and trust that He is our protector and healer. 
There is so much I want to say just don't know how to say it.
(Jeremiah 17:14)  Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.

I am still going through the healing process but Jesus is my healer and I know He takes every once of shame and disgrace for/from me. 
"What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Oh, precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus"