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Monday, September 26, 2011

Slowly loosing my mind!

I hate to spill myself over this stupid blog but when theres no one to talk to and your surround by unsaved obnoxious people you don't really have much of a choice[but to talk to yourself haha]. SO...as you may or may not know my dad has Anaplastic Astrocytoma [stage 3 brain cancer]. He had a brain tumor [the size of a mans fist] 2 years ago removed and about 80ish percent was removed. He has had radiation and chemo for about a year an half. BUT [there is always a but apparently] he is back in the hospital. He had the usual seizure [same as stroke] and we rushed him to the hospital where they found out he has a bleed in his brain along with more swelling [always has brain swelling so this is more and abnormal] which seems to be active [weird] which means its gathering to make a new tumor which also means cancer is back and moving fast. one problem is because he has stage 3 [which means is super fast] the tumors usually grow back stage 4 and there is no hope in stage 4 [worst kind for brain cancer]. As much as they try to make us feel better but also make sure we understand what we are facing...he had another seizure the following day [night before last]. We have always known of what may happen but I know God is bigger and can do anything. He has already healed my dad in many ways and has had His hand on him but the truth that I'm facing [many of you I'm sure wont agree with this] is why should God heal him now when He isn't getting any glory from my dad or any of my family. all they do is rub their stupid rosary beads and the whole shebang [just read how its spelled in a book a few hours ago haha] so as I said before why should He heal him. My dad isn't saved so all I can do is pray for His salvation [please do the same]. This just all sucks. I feel so alone through this whole thing. I'm trying to seek God's face and get strength from Him but deep down inside I want to curl up in a ball or just run away. Everything else seems to be going down hill as well. Some people I wish were by my side seem to be further then ever before which is just giving me more of a heartache. I hate to feel this way and just be so damn defeated. This is me venting. I'm someone will yell at me which sucks but just know I'm trying to keep God first no matter what. It's just hard to go fall into depression when my whole life that's the first thing i grab onto. The worst part of all this is i really [with everything in me] want to run away from this hell hole. I know doing certain things would be doing just that which obviously wouldn't be of God but there is that stupid part of me that's like what if all this is happening because God wants you to ... if u cant tell I'm not telling you what that is [don't want to get yelled at even more...totally not in the mood right now lol]. I still haven't gotten my acceptance letter from Liberty and my deadline is on wed. I feel like every time i talk to them I'm further away from getting accepted in time. its the one thing I'm actually excited about even though i can think of only a few people [that matter] that are just as excited but not some that mean more then any of them. [adding more to the heartache]. Have i mentioned i hate being a mess like this. it feels so out of character yet for the past idk close to a year that's all I'm getting. On a good note. cant wait for Greg X Volz to come to House Of Mercy on Oct 18th!!! hope to see you there!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Jumping Off Bridges Into LU

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I been busy and lost in my own brain. plain crazy thats all I can say. So I guess I will give a quick update on whats been going on lately.
Yest. I applied at Liberty University [online]. I'm excited and nervous. Even though going to the campus would be a pretty cool experience, I have more important things holding me back. It's funny though because I was so pooped that I couldn't go to Regent because I never did my SATs [i kno im like the only person in the world who hasnt lol] but I'm so happy that Liberty is the winner. I'm ready to get decked out!!


Soooo my brother [in Christ] has been in town and I have been meaning to give him a gift but I'm a re-tard and haven't done it. We have a nice [very sweet] game going on and I figured I would take it to the next level and BEAT HIM [bwahaha lol]. Sr. Nestor I officially win. There is no way to come back after this lol.


I have found a new love/obsession lol its pretty bad you can ask Golfer but its my little secret so ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh... here is a video so you can fall in love as well....ANTHEM LIGHTS [BRANDON PAUL!!!!! HAHAAHAHA]


I want to finish off with trying to get women to understand something. The way you dress, the way you act, everything in you, you need to examine. As women we are to pray for and lift up the men; not bring them down and lead them to sin. The seductive spirit is a disgusting and VIOLENT ! As women we don't know exactly what goes though a guys head but that doesn't make it right for you to allow such a wicked spirit to consume you. How dare you bring your brother down because you want to dress like a whore and get every guys attention. It falls on your head for spiritually killing them. We are to dress modestly NOT SEDUCTIVELY! I know how easy it is to allow that spirit on you but thats why we are to constantly be examining ourselves. This world encourages women to show off every inch of them but thats why we are not to conform to this world!

Proberbs 7:20-23
With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.

Proverbs 7:24-27
And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth.Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng.Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Greg X. Volz

Lead vocalist for the legendary rock band Petra, Greg X. Volz, will be at House of Mercy on Oct. 16th, at 10am. 1900 South Congress Avenue, West Palm Beach, FL 33405